Holiday Rebel Baking: Banoffee Pie

I’m not knocking tradition.  I love pumpkin and apple pie just as much as the next American, but let’s just say you are going to a pot-luck for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Are you really going to need 72 pumpkin pies sitting there?  If you want to break free of all that holiday dessert mediocrity, read on.

Banoffee Pie.  MOTHERFUCKIN BANOFFEE PIE! Banana + toffee = banoffee.  It’s delicious, easy, unexpected…trust me ok?  I won’t steer your wrong.

Years ago when i was the pastry chef at the Ace hotel, I had the pleasure of being in total control of a pastry case.  I filled it up with all sorts of crazy shit, ok?  I was discussing this with my Nana one night (she’s British and AWESOME) and she asked if I had made banoffee yet.  I had no clue what it was.  She emailed me the recipe and said it was one of her favorites.  I thought it would be a hard sell, but to my amazement the entire pie was gone within one hour of me putting it in the case.  Since then the recipe has followed me everywhere to rave reviews and when people ask for the recipe and I tell them they are shocked.

There really isn’t much you will need for this pie.  I am heading to my sister-in-law’s for turkey day tomorrow (she makes a mean apple pie!!) and I don’t want to be stuck at my house making everything from scratch, so I used all store-bought for this version.  Here is what I got:

1 can sweetened condensed milk (I got two for the hell of it)

1 graham ready crust

1 bunch bananas (you’ll use as many as you damn well please)

1 can ready whip

1 bag heath crumblies

Jesus and Mary candles optional


Now obviously at work I would make the crust, whipped cream and heath bar from scratch but come on.  Does a data analyst want to analize shit on his day off?  Now just wait.  This is so stupid easy you are going to die.  Here’s what to do:

1- Get yerself a big ‘ol pot.  I have a jank one that has had stuff burned on the bottom of it a million times that I used.  Used to be our soup pot.  The taller the better.

2-Remove labels from sweetened condensed milk cans and stick em in the pot.  (I hate floaters.  Leave the labels on if you enjoy floaters)

3-fill pot up with water.  the water should always stay covering the cans.

4-put on the stove to boil for 4 hours, flipping cans with a pair of tongs halfway through.  NO THEY WILL NOT BLOW UP!

like sooooooooooo:

Keep filling the water up as needed so that the cans stay covered.  After 4 hours, turn off the stove and let them hang out until the water cools off a bit, dump out the water and let the cans cool completely before touching them or attempting to open them.  I’m not sure what will happen if you try to open them hot, but I imagine boiling hot caramel spilling onto your hand would not be very pleasant.  You can store these on your shelf unopened too, if you wish to do them ahead of time.

What happens here is that the sugars in the sweetened condensed milk caramelize real slow and sexy like…and you end up with this amazing, thick, sweet toffee. That looks. like. this.

You wanna get all up in that.  I know you do.

Ok, so literally, that’s all your prep.  Now you just assemble!!! scoop the toffee out of the can and spread on the bottom of the pie crust.  slice bananas over that to cover.  add whipped cream and sprinkle with toffee! (I’m going to do this all right before we eat it….I think that redi whip stuff kinda disappears after a while doesn’t it?) Since I havent done it yet, here is a very old picture of the finished product from another time I made it:

I used pie crust in this picture which you can do but I prefer graham.  I also shaved chocolate over the top but prefer toffee!!!  You do what you want! That’s all part of the fun!


Happy Holidays!!!